Update from Jae

Dear Readers,


Hello again from Jae, Eren’s wife. She wanted to put an update out, but feels unable to write even enough to accurately journal, so she’s asked me to write on her behalf again.


She’s grateful to all of you for your kindnesses. You are all wonderful, supportive people. We both appreciate that a great deal.


She has also been fretting about her ability to write—either at all, or to continue MNML. It is too early to tell what will happen with the story. She always worries when her depression and anxiety demons kick up that she might not be able to write enough or well enough or in a consistent enough manner. But this is different, of course. As of right now, her greatest concerns are being able to write Hans’ character at all and being able to write Abby’s fear-fantasies of non-consent.


It has been just over a week, so this is still very early. And I can remember the day, before we moved apartments, when we were walking down stairs and Eren joyfully exclaimed how she had book seven completely planned—how the ending had found its way into her head, and she had it all mapped out. She still has that map. It hasn’t gone anywhere. But the actual writing of it, right now, feels difficult, heavy, scary.


Eren may be able to come back to MNML. She may not. She may need to take a hiatus from MNML and write something else when she is able to write again. She wants to write. She misses writing. She is, right now, exhausted, and also (I believe) putting pressures on herself that no one else is putting on her. (Certainly, none of you are pressuring her, and that is wonderful how understanding you all are.)


She is worried about those of you who are supporting via Patreon, and wants you all to have a realistic portrait of what her writing life looks like right now, and how she is feeling, so that you can make choices about your support.


Again, this is all so early, and you are all so wonderful. Over time, she will heal. What that healing will look like, no one can say for sure. This is the type of thing that stays with a person for a lifetime and becomes a thing that is not thought of as constantly, much like grief.


I will continue to act as a voice for her until she is able to write again for herself. She reads your comments, and they have been helping her so much. They have been helping both of us, but she is of course the center here.

With thanks for all of you,



13 responses to Update from Jae

  1. I wish you both the best and a speedy, complete recovery.

  2. It’s good to hear that you are trying to get back to normalcy. We all love MNML but if you feel right now that you can’t get in the right head space please don’t force yourself to write it. I know you have paetron supporters but I’m sure they agree that the want the story how you normally write not something forced just to fulfill quotas. I wouldn’t want you to not like the story after forcing yourself to write it. You can possibly try writing something else to try to get the writing juices/mood going.

    Anyways, I hope you two are doing well and that you can feel safe and secure soon so you can relax and get back as much as possible to life as usual. And I know we’ve spoken about something similar but I hope Jae is being your Megan now and always.

  3. Jae thank you for supporting Eren and being her voice.

    Eren you do what you need to to heal right now, if it means you start another story or take a break from Abby, or from writing completely; do it. Maybe even take up a different art for a while, drawing, painting even those adult coloring books. I fully understand where you are and I grieve that you are in this place. I have joined as a patron today; a tiny amount is all I can afford but if it gives you that much more breathing room while you recover I hope others follow my example.

    We love you Eren and anything you need to do I am 1000% behind you. <3

  4. Arukorstza

    Take all the time you need. If you never come back to this story then all I can say is that would be unfortunate. However regardless I look forward to whatever you next work may be. The hope you’ll come back to this story some day will always be there.

    Personally I feel it’s about time Abby got over her fantasies. We haven’t had a look into Abby’s life for long, yet in that short time she has been undoubtedly changing. Both in a physical and a mental sense, non-consenting sexual fantasies don’t actually feel much like an Abby thing to do anymore.

    I’d honestly thought the author had been building up to the point where Abby could actually express her sexual interest without freaking out. Abby is anything but submissive and she’d seemed to have begun to realizing that.

    Though perhaps this was me only inflicting my hopes upon the writing and warping my memory of it. I cannot say for sure my memory has always been subjective.

    • fangfan

      Abby has anyious personality disorder, you don’t usually overcome this without a long therapy, if at all, I guess it is a personalitly trait that you can only learn to keep under control, but never lose completely (though I guess becoming a badass alpha vampire would help a great deal to put anxiety under control, but on the other hand, she also has been exposed to real peril more than ever since she became a vampire). Her nonconsensual sexual fantasies are tied to both her sexuality and her anxiety, they won’t just vanish all of a sudden (unless by some magic fantasy solution, but I don’t think Erin intended to pull the magic mulligan for a permanent solution for that problem and it would be kinda lame if she did, given that Abby’s anxiety and uncontrolled weird imagination are among the top reasons why this character is likeable and funny and hasn’t become a Mary Sue so far.

      As for her sexual preferences, she is obviously a switch, she likes being dominated in the bedroom as much as dominating someone else herself (the latter was quite a surprise for her and she seems ot to be all comfortable with either side so far). That does not have to be related to her personality and behaviour outside sexual interaction, submissive in bed does not equal submissive in everyday life.

  5. Anon451

    Hi Eren,

    I just want you to know that even if you decide to take a few years off MNML, I’ll come back when/if you start writing it again. If you decide to write something else, I’ll read that and count myself lucky, because I love your writing. Thank you for being the person you are.

  6. Paul

    Hi Jae, Hi Eren!

    Some people are just, to put it nicely, less than human.
    It sucks that y’all had to deal with one.

    Eren, you do have fans out here in the wilds.
    If nothing else, holler out to us and I’m 100% sure you’ll find people who will do whatever they can to at least try to help. (yes, count me in as one of those people)

    And hey, even if all we can really do is raise a ruckus, cops (and most people) like ruckus even less than they like helping people they think are “too different”.
    I’ve got zero problem posting, calling, and emailing people about an injustice, whether by cop, police department, or random citizen.

    I really like your writing.
    If you need to take time off, or even stop writing, I’ll be personally disappointed, but also happy that you are doing what you need to do to make your life better.

    So…go, make your life better, and if/when you come back to writing, we’ll be here, cheering and cheering you on. 🙂

  7. I wish you the best of times, and that you’ll always have fans here, no matter what you decide to do.

    Take care of yourselves, and bright blessings.

  8. Still sending warm thoughts and care.

  9. Paul

    Just stopped by to say hi.

    Hope things are going better for y’all; speaking for myself, I worry a lil bit. 🙂

  10. Stormblessed

    It’s always strange to feel such strong emotions for someone across the Internet, someone whom you’ve never met, and only interacted with a couple of times in these comments. I haven’t been to your site in a couple of months and I come back to this. It is so sad and dissapointing that someone you trusted would hurt you like this. I wish people weren’t like this and pain didn’t have to be suffered. But here we are. It’s month after you posted this and I just wanted to know if you were feeling better. I’d imagine every one of your readers who read and followed this for any amount of time at all cares about you and wishes for the best for you. From an outside perspective it is almost impossible to imagine otherwise.

    Words are both as worthless as the energy to say/write them and also one of the most powerful forces in our society. Please continue writing. Please continue being happy. Take joy in simple things. Depression and trauma can bring us down, but to give up is to let them win. It’s important to remember that. I remember being deep in it’s thralls, but I kept smiling and I kept laughing. Because it could take my mind away from me, everything that made me me, but it couldn’t take my physical muscle movement.

    So, smile once today as a request from a reader. Smile and hug a cat or a stuffed animal.

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