Hello again from Jae, Eren’s wife. She wanted to put an update out, but feels unable to write even enough to accurately journal, so she’s asked me to write on her behalf again.
She’s grateful to all of you for your kindnesses. You are all wonderful, supportive people. We both appreciate that a great deal.
She has also been fretting about her ability to write—either at all, or to continue MNML. It is too early to tell what will happen with the story. She always worries when her depression and anxiety demons kick up that she might not be able to write enough or well enough or in a consistent enough manner. But this is different, of course. As of right now, her greatest concerns are being able to write Hans’ character at all and being able to write Abby’s fear-fantasies of non-consent.
It has been just over a week, so this is still very early. And I can remember the day, before we moved apartments, when we were walking down stairs and Eren joyfully exclaimed how she had book seven completely planned—how the ending had found its way into her head, and she had it all mapped out. She still has that map. It hasn’t gone anywhere. But the actual writing of it, right now, feels difficult, heavy, scary.
Eren may be able to come back to MNML. She may not. She may need to take a hiatus from MNML and write something else when she is able to write again. She wants to write. She misses writing. She is, right now, exhausted, and also (I believe) putting pressures on herself that no one else is putting on her. (Certainly, none of you are pressuring her, and that is wonderful how understanding you all are.)
She is worried about those of you who are supporting via Patreon, and wants you all to have a realistic portrait of what her writing life looks like right now, and how she is feeling, so that you can make choices about your support.
Again, this is all so early, and you are all so wonderful. Over time, she will heal. What that healing will look like, no one can say for sure. This is the type of thing that stays with a person for a lifetime and becomes a thing that is not thought of as constantly, much like grief.
I will continue to act as a voice for her until she is able to write again for herself. She reads your comments, and they have been helping her so much. They have been helping both of us, but she is of course the center here.
With thanks for all of you,